As the end of this course approaches, really all I can think about is when will it all be over. Isn't this what I've always wanted? To fly that is. It is isn't it. After all I am going to be living like this for the rest of my life, maybe a little different but still it would be somewhat similar. I now understand the meaning stress. It is that feeling which lingers even after you've done your job/work. That very feeling that keeps telling 'you that you're not ready', 'you're not confident', 'you're not going to make it' and it would make your hair drop. Simple things become difficult because of stress.
Why was I put in such situations? Why wasn't everything just smooth flowing. When will it ever be smooth flowing. Why is it that others get it easy and I don't? It makes me want home more than words can describe. Because home, is where I can let all this just disappear. (for now at least) When I'm home I'm at peace. The moment I step out of the Aircraft in Langkawi, all I think about is whether I am flying tomorrow.
If I was, what will I be flying? who will I be flying with? what is he going to be expecting from me during the flight? how should i be preparing? when can I prepare? what do I prepare? So many more questions I can think about. And everyday that I am here right now those thoughts are there from the moment I wake up even with my eyes closed. It is a dreadful feeling. This 'stress' is killing me from the inside out.
What now? all I can really think about is going home. I want to be home. Things that I don't like or despise are not at home. Those dreadful feelings are gone when I'm home. After all, home is where the heart is. Truth be told.
-Core
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